It is possible for the same thing, both to be and not to be.

David Hume (XXV)

Wisdom isn't an old guy on top of a mountain in a loincloth. 

It isn't an answer. It's a question. 

Sir Billy Connolly (XIX)

All for ourselves, and nothing for other people, 

Seems, in every age of the world, to have been the vile maxim of the masters.

Adam Smith (XX)

501 journey

My journey to a funtcional recovery was 5 years long

• Year 1

• On a borrowed  computer, I did a free 8 week online mindfulness course . In those first six months I kept busy with free online courses from Google , ad-words and analytics. That have only proven useful now.

• After 6 months received financial help from a charity.

• After nine months, I was discharged from hospital completely, so I did rehabilitation as directed , 

• Year 2

• Participated in a voluntary CBT trail for PTSD and was given a C-PTSD diagnosis.

• I attended a lifestyle management course and continued rehab.

• Year 3

• I discovered a non-union fracture at the start of covid, then my left ACL snapped, while waiting for surgery.

• I had surgery, then attended a pain management course,

• Year 4

• Attended 6 hours of CBT and continued rehab.

• Year 5

• I was discharged, though my knee is yet to be fixed.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step

lao Tzu (XXI)

In the past five years I have had many appointments with physios and occupational health therapists

I attended a pain and then lifestyle management course.

When I did eventually see a psychologist, I was hoping for an exit strategy, but there aren't any. 

Just signposts leading us to charities telling us to talk.

Often talking did me no good. 

It's a waste of breath, if no one listens..

More often than not, the only person benefiting was on the wrong side of the desk.

They were being paid, sometimes to read from a book. It's dis-functional on every level.

Constantly talking about the worst things that have happened, to people who didn't seem to get it.

They could offer no real solution apart from medication.

I was willing to try anything, not that though.

Knowing is not enough, we must apply. 

Willing is not enough, we must do

Bruce Lee (XXII

502 nervous

To be function well, one system was particularly important. 

The issues in my hardware were obvious, the software issues were less so

Mainly, in my nervous system, which is responsible for

1 Communication: 

• By sending messages between my brain and parts of my body through a network of nerves.

2 Control: 

• It controls functions like movement, thought, action, and breathing

3 Processing: 

• The system takes in information through my senses, processes and triggers reactions like movement

4 Detection: 

• It detects and interprets pain, which is vital for avoiding injuries or harmful situations

5 Balance: 

• The nervous system helps keeps balance by reacting to changes both inside and out

I damaged arteries, skin, bones, muscles, nerves and ligaments.

As a result I had problems with how I was thinking and feeling, I was scared, over-reactive and had a really bad memory 

Also, I was in some physical discomfort, most of the time.

Stop thinking, and end your problems.

Lao Tzu (XXIII)

100 Trillion Connections: New Efforts Probe and Map the Brain's Detailed Architecture  (Am)

It's complicated, that is a big number 

A simpler explanation is wiring issues.

• A 12v battery has two connections, cross these two wires and sparks will fly.

• A uk plug had three wires, connect these wrong and you'll blow a fuse.

• Crossed or damaged wiring will render the most complex machine useless.

• I definitely have some.

  Here's why .

  Despite the damage, I stayed calm

  If I had panicked, I would have only bled faster. 

  There were no tears, ….although it did hurt. 

  My system did everything needed, protecting me from the worst effects.

  This tricked my senses,

  Now as a consequence I have some processing issues.

  If I smell blood, I’m likely to pass out. I'm back there, in an instant. 

  Now, If I feel trapped, I feel an urgent need to escape. 

  No grounding exercises work quicker than my sense of smell.

  These issues are understandable, in my circumstances.

  These are damaged connections that needed rewired.

  One reaction caused problems.

  My stress response, more commonly known as the fight or flight response.

  Which should activate when we face danger 

  1 Alert: The brain signals danger.

  2 Command: The hypothalamus directs the body's response.

  3 Reaction: Adrenaline is released, increasing heart rate, blood pressure, and breathing.

  4 Stress: If stress persists hormones like cortisol are released.

  5 Effects: Long-term stress leads to, issues like anxiety, and memory problems, 

Managing stress is crucial .

1. 
   
   

   Do not pray for an easy life, pray for 

   the strength to endure a difficult one. 

   Bruce Lee (XXIV)

   503 inputs

   To function well, rethink your inputs.

   
   

   • 1   3 minutes without breath

   • 2   3 days without water

   • 3   3 weeks without food 

   • 4 3 wise monkeys

   • 5   3rd stage of sleep

   
   

   1 Breath 

   Is the most important input functionally as we last 3 minutes without breathing.

   It's a direct connection to the nervous system.

   Taking control of your breath is the most effective and efficient way to change how you feel.

   It takes effort and practise, but it is free. 

   Beware there is no shortage of experts, willing to charge a fee.

   Breathing is the mechanism by which we lose weight, (An), not many people seem to know this.

   Meditation is so easy…. It's hard.

   It's a still practise ,......... being still requires practice.

   
   2 Water  

   Whisky costs us more than anywhere else in Europe.

   In Scotland water isn't an issue, alcohol is. It always has been.

   Self medicating with alcohol is a Scottish solution, life can be hard here. 

   Nowadays, people are now priced out of drinking and smoking.

   There are opioids and other prescription drugs freely available, courtesy of The Scottish Government. 

   Creating  problems,  with no exit strategy

   I don't drink, because I can't afford to and it turns people into arseholes.

   It's a waste of money and it's never improved anyone's health.

   
   3 Food 

   Matters when you're hungry, 

   It's a question of doing what you can, with what little you’ve got.

   I've used food banks, although I’m grateful, tinned pies and pasta wont fuel recovery .

   They keep you alive, it's a disgrace, that people rely on them

   I eat little or no meat, just so my dogs can. 

   Porridge, vegetables, eggs, lentil soup, cheap stuff, that's good for you.

   There are no medical interventions that can fix a bad diet. 

   We need access to affordable nutritious food, somewhere to cook and electricity or gas. 

   This is a big ask these days and may depend on your postcode.

   You need to eat well to be well, although this is made increasingly difficult.

   4 Hear, speak and see no evil.

   Protect your senses, quiet your monkey mind.

   Protect your inputs, protect yourself from noise,  other peoples ……and your own.

   We need quiet. 

   We need silence. 

   We need space to think, space to feel, space to heal.

   Learning to shut yourself up is crucial, sometimes learning to forget is the only way.

   5 Sleep. 

   Is important, it will undo everything. Especially important is …..the 3rd stage when,

   1 Heartbeat and breathing are at their slowest rate

   2 There are no eye movements

   3 The body is fully relaxed

   4 Tissue repair and growth, and cell regeneration occurs

   5 Immune system strengthens

   
   

   It's possible to take some control, even when you have none. 

   Knowing yourself is true wisdom.

   Mastering others is strength;

   Mastering yourself is true power.

   Lao Tzu,(XXV)

   
   
   
   504 whole

   To function well, look further East than Edinburgh, for enlightened thinking

   There are systems for health, freely accessible to all.

   When you have limited resources, you need to be flexible.

   A  mindfulness course, available online kept me busy every day,as soon as I woke up, for eight weeks

   During this time, I realised the importance of a golden  hour, at the start of the day..

   Before Ilife had the chance to overwhelm me, I worked on how I was feeling.

   I faced up to it. I had to, I had nothing else, and my only resource was time.

   Mindfulness is living in the present, it's the ability to lose the effects of your past and your fear of the future.

   It is simple but not easy, it takes practise.

   It was eight weeks well spent  

   During this time, I was introduced to free Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction Yoga. 

   Despite several severe injuries, it allowed me to move, safely and in private.

   I realised immediately that it made things  better, first physically and then mentally.

   So I then contacted my local Community Yoga centre, to enquire about therapy. 

   It was expensive at £40 per session, with a six session requirement. 

   Despite sometimes having no internet access or electricity, I was resourceful.

   Finding books to download, so I could access info, for the price of an audio book.

   I’ve read many books on trauma  but found answers in yoga.

   Yoga offers a way to functionally bring our systems back together, creating coherence, 

   The five koshas are layers that represent different aspects of being human in yogic philosophy. 
   

   1/  Physical : 

   This is the outermost layer and represents the physical body. 

   It includes the bones, muscles, organs, and everything tangible.

   2/  Energetic : 

   This layer is associated with the body's energy or life force, 

   It includes breath, vitality, and the flow of energy within the body.

   3/  Mental : 

   This layer represents to the mind and mental processes. 

   It includes thoughts, emotions, desires, and the intellect.

   4/  Wisdom: 

   This layer represents  wisdom and intuition. 

   It is associated with insight, intuition, and a sense of inner knowing.

   5/  Bliss: 

   The innermost layer is the seat of contentment.. 

   It is beyond the mind and intellect and represents the ultimate state of happiness.

   
   

   The journey involves moving inward through these layers., 

   Harmonising , physical and mental aspects, to reach a state of self-realisation. 

   The 5 Kosha’s provide an easy route towards the path to self-discovery and spiritual awakening.

   Also better health

   For the first two years I practised yoga every day, when possible.

   The only obligation is to work on the outer, physical layer, with intention, whilst paying attention.

   By additionally controlling breath and energy, health improves or your attitude does.

   It's a science, although not researched enough, probably because bad health pays better.
   

   At the start of the pandemic I received some backdated benefits.

   I invested this in my own health.

   I did a yoga teacher training course.

   For which I got no discount for being unemployed and on benefits.

   Bad health is someone else's wealth.

   Yoga is an  Indian technique of healthy living. Studies have detailed  yoga's beneficial effects, (Ao)

   including a favourable influence on function and negative emotions. 

   Extensive research in the last few decades has revealed the role that yoga can play in managing stress. 

   Yoga's effect in balancing rest and digest, over fight or flight, has long been known.

   Pranayama, a breathing exercise essential to yoga practice, regulates the Nervous System

   Yoga reduces heart rate and achieves a better quality of life for patients with various heart conditions. 

   Yoga reduces wear and tear on the body produced by chronic stress 

   By lessening sympathetic overactivity and improving parasympathetic function. 

   As a result of the improved oxygen, heart rate variability, improves.

   505 nothing 

   To function well, nothing, changed everything 

   When your body doesn't heal, you may wonder why

   “It sometimes happens, we don't know why”,  I was told.

   A chance conversation led to a recommendation of KCR, 

   My sister gave me £40, the cost for a session of Kinetic Chain Release.

   During the treatment, when relaxed, pressure is applied to specific target areas, gently creating stress. 

   It’s a therapy targeting deeper connective tissues. 

   The next day, something was different. There was some kind of shift. 

   Venturing down a rabbit hole, I discovered tis

   The extracellular matrix  (Al), 

   This has been found to cause regrowth and healing of tissue. 

   The mechanism of action by which extracellular matrix promotes constructive remodelling of tissue is still unknown.

   There are some systems western medicine chooses not understand.. 

   If it doesn’t make sense, it’s irrelevant 

   Fortunately, it’s covered.
   
   

   Absorb what is useful, discard what is not. 

   Add what is uniquely your own 

   Bruce Lee (XXVI)

   Connective tissue is found in between other tissues everywhere in the body,  (Am)

   including the nervous system.

   It's the body's support structure,  it's the body’s scaffold, It is important, although it’s largely ignored, especially within the Biomedical Model of health.

   It can make us stiff and sore . It’s how Cancer spreads.

   It is how acupuncture works.

   It is system number twelve, connecting those eleven other systems.

   Those systems give us function, this one gives us form..

   It's everywhere.

   Connecting everything.

   This transformed my recovery 

   The most complete system is also the simplest.

   There is nothing to be done, which is handy, when you have nothing.

   
   
   

   By letting go, it all gets done.

   Lao-Tzu (XVII)

   
   
   This was a challenging time 

   This would have happened sooner, but a light went out. 

   Life has been darker since. Sometimes waiting is all you can do

   I could not have done this without her or them.

   For years I was lost , but never alone

   The worst things happen to the people we love.

   Thats the stuff we can't fix.
   I am glad this happened to me.

   My dogs gave me the support and therapy i needed.

   More so than all those hours at appointments.

   They were there every single step of the way.

   Among all those failing systems, they were there, within arms reach. 

   We can't go back, if I could …..I would

   The hardest thing that happened, does not compare to losing her.

   Looking back, I only see light 

   Some things can’t be fixed but we need to fix the things we can.

   There is work to be done.

   I owe it to her and others.

   Stay safe and be lucky.

   
   
   
   

   For Lola,
   
   
   Be Water, my Friend. Empty your mind. Be formless, shapeless, like water. 

   You put water into a cup, it becomes the cup.

   You put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle.

   You put it into a teapot, it becomes the teapot.

   Now water can flow or it can crash.

   Be water, my friend.

   Bruce Lee (XVII)